Reminding Myself That It’s JUST a Number

When I was diagnosed with type one diabetes, I was taught all about carb counting, insulin dosing, finger pricking, and the big one…. blood glucose target ranges. My diabetes team set what they called my “target range” and I was expected to do all that I could to stay within those lines. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a perfectionist and that I like things done the right way. My first few weeks on insulin were very frustrating as my body adjusted and as I better learned how much insulin I would require. I remember being so upset every time I saw a “bad” number. Every number outside of the 70-180 range (my target range at the time) would make me wince and I would make myself crazy trying to figure out what I had done wrong.

 My first month or so was spent beating myself up for every “bad” number that showed up on my glucometer. I was slowly becoming whatever my blood sugar was and something had to change. The more I did research and the more I began to understand the nature of T1D, the more I realized that I cannot be as precise as my pancreas once was. Manmade insulin does not work as well as the insulin my body is supposed to produce and I cannot expect to have perfect numbers. There are no “bad” numbers, there are only low and high numbers. Something else I had to learn to realize is, much of the time I did not do anything wrong to get a crazy number. 

 This new mindset has taken so much stress out of my day to day life with T1D. I take each day as it comes, I manage the best that I know how, I celebrate the smooth days, and I celebrate the roller coaster days because I am strong enough to survive them. No matter how much my doctor may nitpick my blood sugars at my visits and no matter what comments others may make about my diabetes management, I am not defined by what my blood sugar was/is yesterday, today, or ever. Fact of the matter is, T1D has a mind of it's own and the best I can do is use the tools I have to manage it as well as I know how. I am tougher than I ever thought I could be and that means much more to me than a silly number.

-Ashlyn